collaborative guest post
Parenting separately can be challenging but success in raising happy and well-balanced children is possible, even when you and the other parent are splitting up. There are many different dynamics and circumstances involved in co-parenting, but those that are the most successful are built on simple and fundamental principles. In this article, we have outlined three key practices to adopt to help you parent separately and successfully.
Put your children’s needs at the centre
Well-intentioned parents, of course, aim to put the needs of the children above all else when they are going through a divorce or separation. However, it can be easy for negativity to slip in, especially if your split is not amicable. It’s understandable that you may feel angry, hurt or upset with your ex, however, try to keep those emotions at bay and not convey them to your children as this can not only make them feel compromised, but it can also be damaging for them.
Although it’s important to keep up with regular routines during and after a separation, putting a child’s needs first also means, at times, being flexible with arrangements. This can help avoid conflict and demonstrates to your children how to interact positively with your ex-partner or spouse. Keep in mind that although your relationship has ended, your children will have that long-term connection and relationship with both their parents.
Try to ensure continued positive communication with your ex
Although communicating positively with your ex can be challenging, if you can make arrangements on routine matters such as who will pick a child up from school, where they will meet and for how long they will stay with one of their parents, this will make the situation more manageable and easier for your child. Throughout your child’s life, it will always be important to communicate on issues such as schooling, medical matters, extra-curricular activities and exams for example.
Establishing effective communication methods from the start can help towards the future too, as being a co-parent will inevitably change as your child grows up. If you are struggling to communicate well, it can be helpful to enlist the help of a friend or family member. If this isn’t possible, mediation services can help support you. Mediation involves an independent third party helping both you and your ex form agreements on and resolve disputes on child care arrangements and is often quicker and less costly than going to court.
Set boundaries and look after yourself
Boundaries are important in all aspects of life, and especially so when you are co-parenting. Setting boundaries means that you ensure both you and your partner respect each other’s right to privacy and allow them to parent without your involvement. Do not get into conversations about your own personal or financial circumstances, this may not cause problems in the moment, but personal information and feelings can be raised at a later stage and cause unnecessary conflict that may impact your children.
As well as setting boundaries, make sure you are looking after yourself too. Eating well, exercising, socialising and enjoying your hobbies are important as going through a separation can take its toll on your physical and mental health. Not only will you benefit, but your children will appreciate a happy and more contented you.
Conclusion
Successful co-parenting with an ex does not happen overnight but if you start as you mean to go on with a clear communication plan, agreements on childcare arrangements and the mindset to work on mutual respect, it will bode well for the future of your child.
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